jonty and i sit on a bench in the park area in front of the town hall, chatting, in Hill Valley on November 12th 1955. when the storm comes we sit surrounded by the threat of lightning but know, naturally, exactly where it will strike. we watch the clock tower get hit and the subsequent disappearance of the De Lorean from a very pleasing angle that wasn't in the film.

going back to topsham we looked towards the estuary and watched the waters explode into wavy palaces. tall and dancing, flecked in deep grey and purple, they looked ready to crash, but my friend put the car in gear and we drove away. i put the music on but i can't remember what it was. maybe some kind of getaway music?

we had to move the bed i sleep in, but in order to do this, it had to have a series of small fires lit on it. daz helped me to light nine fires, in sequence, anti-clockwise around the bed. the bed span in a circle as we did this. once we'd finished this and put them out again one by one, the bed was in a forest, and i got inside and went to sleep.

i was standing in a bathtub, back pressed against cold tiles, watching my mother give birth to me. there were lots of other people in the room. she was afraid. she knew i would tear her body apart and she was afraid. then, suddenly, she pushed, and i was born, covered in blood, amidst blood, smiling. she got out of the bath, gave me to myself, and left, saying something like "it's your job to look after this now".

also i ended up going to a writer's conference on jersey with my friend jess, and in the room next to ours we could hear jane calling out the viewing times for jonathan creek to kieron. *shrugs*

i killed hitler. it was great. i was out with my dad, then hitler came along wearing a 1940s dress (which made sense), then my dad said we had to go, then i killed him.

the village my parents live in, topsham, was discovered to have been founded in 1515 which, it turns out, was only 200 years ago. as soon as the pub on the high street discovered this, it changed its name to Spectoral Will Bullion and painted its signs grey. then we find out that topsham was founded on the site of ancient bermuda, and is actually far out at sea, and not in south devon at all. because of this, the americans decide to bomb us, and everything in topsham - from the Bon Bon sweetshop to the Lighter Inn and bus stop - is destroyed. the flames tear through our houses, and our parents' houses, but we're all like "hey, we're in bermuda - cool"

couple of days ago:

jim and i try to find a church to go to the toilet in. we find one in a field. there are lots of non-christians milling around and i think they're all trying to find the toilet. we go inside and get to this big room with lots of cubicles down either side. they look like toilets, with wooden doors, but inside each one is only a little pew and a tiny bidet. jim and i are very confused. "is this how christians go to the toilet?" we wonder. eventually we find one with a toilet, but i don't remember using it.

mum, dad and i rented a house on the slopes of vesuvius. someone threw a tennis ball at me but i ducked and it ripped a big chunk out of the mountain. the volcano started to erupt and we decided it was time to leave. tom sawyer was there too and recommended rafting but we decided it would be too warm for that. we left, but all the animals were left behind, and we all felt very sad. no one mentioned that i should probably have just let the tennis ball hit me. we ended up near a waterfall later and i lost my family in the spray.

i meet the perfect guy on holiday in the country. we go out a few times, then we stay together for the rest of the holiday, a few weeks. it's all just right - not too cute, a little stupid, and it works. he really likes me, and it's all going well. suddenly i feel certain that we'll be together forever. then, one evening, the landlady tells me he's talking to another woman on the phone outside. i go out and it's true. i just stand behind him, incredulous. he turns round and sees me, hangs up, and is horrified that i overheard him. "it's too late, it's just too late" he keeps on muttering, and goes back to the house and kills the landlady using a bulldozer. he buries her and although i feel sad, i mostly just think "typical melodramatic boys". then there's a big fight starring most of the cast of angel and we all dress up in other people's clothes to escape. it's fun.

in california by the sea. i need to rent a room for the night. it's jeff brown's bed & breakfast. he gives me a room, and a paper key that i won't need to use. there are some germans with a small child staying. they're having trouble with their car. i walk to work the next day, and by the time i get there it's time to go home again. i get back to the bed & breakfast and jeff brown and i watch cartoons until it's time to go to bed.

i'm watching a couple have a conversation in bed. he is a man, she is a unicorn with enormous breasts. she thanks him for having taken her to the circus, but is still unsure why he wanted her to see all the other freaks. he's not sure why she's a bit upset. in the end they talk about this new italian restaurant they're going to open up. then i realise they're actually in bed inside an italian delicatessen, which i understand is being sold to them, so that they can turn it into a restaurant. i look outside. seems like a nice area. think it's boston.

the man in the lighthouse says he won't help us, but he takes a small white kitten out of his medical bag and places it on the palm of my hand. it has disappeared by the time i reach home so i spend the rest of my time scouring the dream for it.

i'm buying cigarettes for shuna in kendal and am walking back to tim's house when i see chris standing outside the doctor's surgery, crying, smoking. i ask him what is wrong but he won't tell me. just says something about the whole marriage process and thinking about children, but i feel something is really horribly wrong. i give him a big hug and go back to tim's. jenny is there, but i don't mention that i've seen him.

after they leave, james turns up, and asks if he can use the toilet. tim says yes of course, and then when james is finished, he goes out and brings alice back in with him. he is wearing cycling gear and the lycra looks weird. then i realise we're actually in a hotel, and there is a little girl in the room across the corridor who is being held hostage by a man who pretends to be a doctor in order to get dates with rich women. i want to help her but don't know how, and then we see the front door open up and a woman float in, and we realise it's all supernatural and we have to get a message to the proper authorities somehow, but we have to escape first, because they're on to us, and we'll have to avoid the police, because they'll just lock us in a cell for safety, and the spirits will be able to find us easily then.

so we run as far as we can, through vineyards, dotting up and across the neat furrows - one up, two across, three up, one across - to try and confuse our pursuers. in the end the mounties get us, and i lose all my cds. they laugh at me trying to light a cigarette by putting a match in my mouth, and i'm very nervous and can't work out what's wrong.

zombies everywhere but they're okay. one of my friends is a zombie and he helps us to find good blood. but we're all aware we're going to start getting eaten soon. so we need to find a way to escape. we turn on the television and watch the zombies spreading. we're in scotland, and we want to get back south.

i think about flying a helicopter away, but as i don't know how to fly a helicopter i decide this isn't a good idea. i lose some of my friends, so i go to a big manor house and pace up and down the great hall whilst watching a film projected on to the wall. then some friends show up. i'm glad they're not dead. we need to go though, so we go to the harbour and try to find a boat to take us away.

we climb these very steep ladders on an unfeasibly tall boat and go inside. wilhem dafoe is with me. the woman who owns the ship lets us work for her. she likes marshmallows which she has in a bowl on the desk in front of her.

as we go out on deck we look around and see that the water is full of big impressive schooners and old tall ships, because they're the only means of transport that the zombies can't get on to. i hear some people were in a train that got stopped en route by zombies on the line, and none of the people could get off. we relax a bit now, because the sun is shining and soon we'll be at see. i don't remember what happened to my zombie pal.

tim and i were on some sort of a spaceship at sea - ours had broken so we got lifted onto a big cruiser, and it turns out that all the people on the ship had known us for years because of sailing. we had to sneak into the toilets to kiss so we wouldn't make the others jealous, and he told me he'd applied for jobs on ceefax in glasgow and some place called Leek.

there were lots of us on holiday and andy decided he wanted to sit in the swimming pool for the whole week, much to everyone's despair.

nicky has the ghost of an ex-boyfriend in a bottle. she wants to come into the church to release him and let him destroy the world. we guard the church, but the lock on the front door is a bit shit so she gets in. then she decides she doesn't want to let him out after all.

also, at one point, remember olly (jim's cat) looking over my shoulder, giving me tips on how to paint his portrait properly.

everyone is going to die tomorrow and my mother has made friends with a man in a polish restaurant. he looks familiar. maybe like a youngish peter ustinov? on the way home i see all my friends in their own rooms in a shared apartment building through the windows, spending their last hours talking on the telephone to their friends and families and loved ones who they'd never be able to reach in time before the plague strikes.

living in a frankenstein house near the marina. some woman comes to stay over but decides the house is too scary. then we go out for a drink but daz finds us and invites us all to his indie night, and the woman decides to go back home after all. the black rabbit lets her in. the black rabbit goes back inside, shutting the front door on the cat who is then locked out. i go back and dance. the t shirts are blue but i've changed into a black dress. i don't have any cigarettes.

giorgia doesn't like the leafy mountains because she can't see the snow. i have to chop barbara out of an ice bath and warm her back to life. i see a portuguese woman riding her bicycle through the river into town. i don't take my money to the bank, so mum says we'll stop on our way back. there are boys, and a train journey, and adventures, but i don't remember any of it.