Monday, September 27, 2004

something about the goat that was special. all the cows were turning into boys. tried to explain to dad i was eating meat again. but he was fixated with the goat for some reason.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

everyone into the sea and swim through the harbour gates. the waves rising black and terrible above us. bianca asks me "what way up am i pointing?" and i can't answer.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

won a competition at work. the prize was a corn-on-the-cob. and all i thought was: "oh. but i bought corn at sainsbury's earlier."

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

the woman from the garricks turned to being only one foot high in work after revealing that she didn't know what a pdf was. my friends took me out and on a plane ride but we had to crash land twice to reset certain instruments. after the second time i just got out to find the train. i was there with chris and we had some kind of argument about smoking (i think) and i stormed off saying something like "it's tragic how childish i am". the space between the train and the platform dropped for a million miles but i found a seat at last.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

franka had to park the car like a rocket launcher, only she parked it so steeply that we rolled backwards onto the car's top. lucking italian cars are manufactured for such eventualities and we were able to right ourselves just by swinging the handbreak.

Friday, September 10, 2004

the gangster's rules for going to the toilet in the middle of the night were 1) select your own torch and not somebody else's (and so it is helpful to always mark your torch in some way) 2) creep, don't walk 3) once you flush, check it all goes down 4) check for ghosts in the cistern.

it was right after the presentation that they started flooding his underground palace, and we all got out. then i got accused of not knowing anything about british history from a man asking us random questions on a street corner. i couldn't be bothered because i was slightly annoyed at myself for not having gone back to look for survivors.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

few days ago:

we were escaping to the rooftops of london when it started exploding around us. first the gherkin. then st pauls. then canary wharf, right next to us, then some of the other offices went shooting up like fireworks.

we fled into the catacombs and i lost everyone.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

weds 1 sep

uma thurman wanted me to escape. she held him off for me but i wasn't able to get away that time. i eventually made it as far as greece, but he found me. when we flew back into boston though, i finally managed to escape. i went outside, saw jim and amanda at the bus stop, claimed some strange plastic envelopes from them and thought "i am free in boston - what shall i do?"

mon 30 aug

wanting to ride my horse towards rehearsal building then i realise it's a labrador and it doesn't corner well so i take it back home. when i get into town i have to arrange rehearsal rooms for everyone. all the music opens some sort of fissure in our sense of reality, and jess and poppy get sucked through into the nuclear difference before it closes. we know it's okay though, because we made everyone sign a disclaimer before playing.

thurs 26 aug (a reason to start blogging again)

marry someone i don't remember. think it's the father then it's the son. no good. then this boy i know somehow offers instead. his parents are russian. he is sweet. i try to be as kind as possible, but there's also this tutor of mine who i suspect is in love with me.

the tutor's name is mark and he writes me a note saying that he's given me a book that i must treasure and take care of while i read and then return it to him. i am confused as to what book he's talking about then i see him and my friend holding hands and realise it was her all along. even though i love my own boy, this makes me embarrassed and very sad.

anyway, that day i have an interview and mum is helping me buy trousers as i only have pyjamas on. later on i am meant to go back to my boy and we are going to learn russian together. i don't though, as the sadness i feel about the tutor has made me angry and i decide to go into the school with a friend of mine and rescue the tiger that the tutor makes live there.

when my friend and i arrive, now dressed in combats carrying a handgun and a shotgun i recognise from playing Goldeneye, Mark has turned into Tim Curry who is slowly turning blue and painted, lying in a double bed, surrounded by students, and i see he is turning into the wicked witch of the east (even though she was green). then i realise that his bed is the bed from bedknobs and broomsticks and it is starting to shake as someone has engaged the mechanism that starts it.

i run across the room screaming "bedknobs and broomsticks! bedknobs and broomsticks!" and see some old schoolfriends near the bed and try to push them onto the bed before it disappears. we all fall on the floor. someone starts shooting so my friend and i leap and run to the upper level. that's when i see the armed forces arriving outside.

somehow, after more shooting and a slide down an inside drainpipe right under their noses, i get out of the building and just walk out, in my combats, right past the police, holding my hand out in pain. i see medics in the carpark and say "no i'm okay, but you should see what's coming", because while protecting myself i know i killed a lot of men inside.

my other friend is out too and we are on the run. the police have psychics tracking us so we change our clothes in a poor attempt to confuse them. there are also aliens tracking us who wear spandex and have antlers. at a service station i see lisa kudrow tickling kevin bacon's chin and making fun of the way he eats. this upsets me and i cry "don't do that to kevin bacon" before taking a shot at lisa kudrow then running on.

in the end my friend and i split up and i run into some coloured house streets in bristol, but then i move on and head for the beach. a policeman catches me and goes to shoot me in the head but i yell "unarmed unarmed" because i don't want to die and it is a relief to be able to stop running. he asks me where my guns are. i pull the shotgun out cautiously and give it to him and look around for the handgun. i can't see it. i realise i must have thrown it away when i changed my clothes. the policeman is very kind so it's okay.

i tell him about the tiger i was going to save and realise that i will spend my life in prison and i've thrown away my boy and any chance to grow up or have children with him. i miss my boy incredibly then and wish that the nice policeman had not caught me after all. i see a toy tiger sitting in front of me and ask the policeman if i can take it in. he chuckles "it's not a holiday camp" and we both have a good laugh.

still unhandcuffed then we begin to walk in towards the policestation and i put my hands in my jacket pockets. i realise that the handgun, still loaded, in my right pocket, and i curl my fingers around it as we approach the building.