kimya dawson doesn't sing her own songs - there's a third girl. she makes us sing first though and i swear she changes the lyrics. i am wearing a pair of long boots. i like zipping them up and down in the club.

i go to this hotel at the top of a city like a james bond film and this little kid won't let me out on the balcony to smoke. i know his parents aren't about so i start swearing at him. he tears up my cigarettes, which are very long and thin, and leaves the tobacco all over the desk. then his mum comes in.

she takes me down to the lizard room where she tries to get me to handle two lizards she is pouring into a large tank. "they don't bite you know..." but i don't want to. they go in the water and their default setting is sleep. but you can wake them by smacking your lips together. she then leaves me in there, and i enjoy letting them sleep, then waking them.

then i notice that they're waking up more alertly each time, and that they are growing in size. or at least that my awareness of them is growing in size. they follow me, from below then above the water mark, and there's nothing between them and me. i start to back up to the door, but then one of them puts an elbow on the tank's edge and says "oh i wouldn't worry, HE's only got one leg and a fin - i'm QUITE all right..." we talk for a bit, then i leave to go to the beach.

everyone stopped sorting books out in the office because of the invisible bugs. screaming like girls and only zoe and i carried on working, rolling our eyes at the "girls".

watching a scary film with my mum. her telling people she is going to buy me a vibrator. "what? what?" me. she runs me a bath - a beautiful blue lagoon like bath. i tell her to get out.

yesterday:

keep trying to cross the fence. go upstairs to a psychadelic bar-b-q. kelly osbourne's dogs have become giraffes. i don't recognise mark and neil but go to marks and spencers after ripping a big hole in my tights. then have big odd sleepover with jess, a crying girl and some guys, where Yahoo provides us with modern art. my dad tells my friend's mum, "to think that the most i'll ever know about poetry is stuff i learned in school when i was 16. what a waste..."

yesterday:

came to US for a long weekend then straight home again to uncover the mystery. trying to find a 7-11 was proving impossible. share hotel with tim. how the hell did i get this many clothes? and who was watching the tv with his head in the lap of the girl sat next to me?

today:

lock stock guy who likes the guns wants to be of huge prolific value to the world. there's a party upstairs - get there through liv's flat. i don't need a key. we row around a queue of immigrants on the pontoon at ellis island. it is flat calm. i don't have enough cash on me to buy a $10 picture of a freak wave hitting the shore.

big epic dream but i only remember one snapshot - forcing someone to listen to "hot topic" by le tigre and them not liking it and me not understanding.

end of the world. but everyone's helping. in a car and i don't know which side of the road to be on. we park in highschool and when we get out of the car it's shrunk to the size of a large dog.

the guy in the liquor store was flirting with me and i think he was going to ask me out but then someone else came up to buy cigarettes he didn't own so i just left quietly.

go to see the von bondies. i realise i know the lead singer from uni. we flirt. i'm wandering around bars a lot on my own that night.

when i go to work cath is trying to "reach out to the city's dirty" and is trying to fundraise. i go down to the basement and catch alice meeting her boyfriend, wearing a pink sheeny slip. he makes a move and she just says "no. this isn't right" and she goes back upstairs. when i rejoin everyone, cath is really pissed off that alice wouldn't sleep with her boyfriend for money. she doesn't understand.

then i'm walking through a tunnel with chris. actually we're also diving, all wearing what look like bright yellow evil Moonraker costumes, with helmet and all. it's like the training pools on tombraider, and we're trying to have a conversation along the way. we keep diving and diving and i can't see any indicators on screen so i have no idea how long i'm going to be able to hold my breath for. when we get out of the water we realise that nuclear bombs have been fired. one is destroyed. there are three more on their way and i wake up.

everyone in prison coming in and out "where were you when we got out we needed you" "i had my own shit to deal with". julianne moore crying to me that her mother always thought Magnolia was too ambitious for her.

pixies are playing. it's housemate karaoke. and the devil is 6 and the devil is 6... i'm being kidnapped by a gangster. i'm held but jess helps me. the houses are all over the place.

paul lives right next door to me in somerville. i see him in the basement next door - he's called me on his cell phone - and he's watching me, waving. how much of a coincidence is this? i run straight over there to say hello but he's eating thanksgiving dinner with his housemates and doesn't get up. i am going for a meal with my parents and joanna lumley, so i leave and go with them to the restaurant, but then i immediately make an excuse and come to the house my parents lived in 10 years ago - the house i hit puberty in. i don't go back to the restaurant.

finally i feel pretty guilty at having run away and go to find my mum at joanna lumley's house. mum yells at me saying "the mixtape was a mistake". i scream at her "you're not even allowed to say his name". joanna lets me smoke in her kitchen which has terracotta floor tiles. straight afterwards i go back to university to clear out all my old stuff i realised i still have stored there . the kitchen there is bigger and better. everything is newer and shinier than when i lived there. i run through the empty halls, shouting incredulously. then i box my stuff up and bring it right here.