friday:

me and jon millership crawling around the go-kart track on our elbows and knees. some sort of big lion sounds wonderful but (my handwriting is unintelligible here) why we have a party at g's house and he keeps ushering us to different random rooms. someone wants to borrow a Cast tape and can't find it so gill picks up tortoise and shellac and talked about how cute shellac are and i punch her in the face.

saturday:

penny and me got in to her house late, totally hammered. "you're still up" to sue and mark who don't live there - james has been kidnapped. suddenly we're sober and real. ransom. we go to the park. these kids sail in on a boat and sue tells me to clear out before they kill him. i am waiting to one side smoking when the kids come along and try to steal my wallet. so i do some kicking and they get bored and leave.

sunday:

waiting for annie lennox outside a bar in new york, opposite my father's new farm where he is watering plants. i am on a double decker bus. annie jumps on and we just go round and round.

all the people sleeping in the mud so we break into a big house. they say mud is warm to sleep in but i think it must actually be very wet and unpleasant. i'm looking at jess as she's comparing the sizes of machine guns.

there was so much to this dream. a whole thing. maybe i'll remember more later on... this hasn't happened for ages. i'm appalled.

everyone in this room has a broken leg. they've all got a broken leg in plaster. and it occurs to me in the dream that i can't figure out if it's a genuine gesture of good luck, or whether everyone in the room is just clumsy.

raising ghosts by the sea in oz. jess is. ghosts become visible after her spell, flickering like a video image superimposed on my dream, walking around like normal. i talk to one. they watch me all the time. they watch us all the time. ross cheers me up by giving me a tin with a bunch of joints in it. there's a bag of coke too. i smile for some reason. looking at the stars then, i need to find the one who started it all but he's not there.

wake everybody up. they're coming. we're down here. we need to get upstairs. don't use the hose. the water only makes the marshmallows bigger.

oh. i wrote it yesterday.

so i'm travelling around the country in this big family type car which has big windows with alec, becky and someone else. someone else - boy. some kind of boy. he sits between me and becky. someone else drives. past the childrens' slide that daz built and it makes me feel sad. we stop to pick up becky's gran and alec warns her i'm going to be smoking in the car. the windows open outwards at base kind of like old windows in my flat and becky's gran feigns horror as i light up. i give her my best teenage "whatEVER" look and glower out of the window looking cool.

there was something yesterday too. wrote it down somewhere else...

yesterday:

misillusion is always stronger than i like. ghost ship under us in the water there are corpses swimming around us, sliding past my feet like mud. there are tuna and barracuda which are not biting. the boy i like - his friends are there. we walk on the land and there are glass cages under every footstep.

today

queequeg sits on my bed - misconceptions - anyone can sit at this table. lots of films. edward norton is trying to escape in his wheelchair. he knows some pretty good moves. i try and find a toilet - i am being chased - but i start bleeding everywhere and suddenly i'm on an old-fashioned train carriage in full view of the platform, these guys are assessing my blood flow, so i hurridly pull all the clothes from the cupboard across the window to try and hide myself.

of course mum and dad are arguing. i want to stay and go to church with my grandma for a very important reason that i don't know but dad won't let us. but, i talk to the lady vicar and she just smiles so it's okay. then the whole family starts discussing money and all my mum can do is slice up the ciabatta and ask "who was having the fish." everyone is annoyed by her attitude.

not enough time. go to scotland. can't get on boat come straight home. not enough time. in cornwall everyone stares in to our house. the others won't let me close the curtains. out of village in car and i keep asking clark kent but he won't stop driving my car up the lane in reverse.

Zoe from first year is going to manage the writers. In return for letting her do this, she tells me i can have all her old design jobs off the man with two broken legs. i am ironing. craig is italian and comes to stay for a week but all the days are wrong. kieron will be a jedi tomorrow.

Thea wants me to go walking to Iceland with her I want to go sailing. We go to sea and turn everything off "listen this is why" just listening to the water brushing the side of the boat carries our foetus. look up and the seagulls are all hovering in mid-air outside in a strong wind. amazing to see. the big ones are giving piggy backs to the little ones and most have quiffs.

we get to an island with an enormous long manor house. some people are getting married. i think one is al pacino's daughter from Godfather III. we're in a car now, just driving around the house and father of the bride teases us not to park in the wedding car space.

we get out and a girl (i know her but can't remember who it was) gossips to me while a boy fixes something under the table we sit on. she doesn't know he's there. after a bit i interject. he has gone to sleep, not having wanted us to feel awkward about his eavesdropping. she leaves and i talk to him. he has lived in so many places - polar north south harsh. he is very interesting. i want to point at the map all the oceans i've sailed and countries i've seen but i don't get the chance. we all fall through the bottom of the manor house in to a cave where all the railway lines intersect.

instantly all the trains thunder in. no chance to get out of the way. people who miss death by one are killed by another. but some are saved. i get a shot into the guy standing in the narrowest place between two tracks. the trains graze him/me as the pass but he/me doesn't die.

people are scared. doors shoot to the ground from above - emergency exits with staircases leading up to the light. "there's bodies buried down here for 50 years they've never found" we know the doors are put there by bad people so the boy and i yell that we are hiking through the tomb-corridor to get out (with rucksacks). a couple of other guys join us.

so we get out fine and we're walking through Bath in some kind of rom-com/john hughes cut. for some reason i'm hanging back - a police officer talks to them - to my boys - at the traffic lights outside the station - and a car comes round the road the wrong way and i know it's bad can feel it but i can't stop it - and they are all gunned down right in front of me. now, i KNOW the film doesn't end like this but my alarm wakes me up anyway and i feel like shit.

i'm a researcher finding guests for my show. i have to find someone who will talk about the Project. andy's house is a pub and we're all up and down out of windows. housetrap - it's three supervillains and me one guy fights with kitchenware (i particularly remember a fish slice) and he's the one who steals the guns.

we're up in the snowy clean mountains in a cabin, not the one i'm thinking of, but we're in italy. we see the Celebrities are coming and because we are all in love with them we know we have to throw things at them. We launch snowball army at them then get in to the car and drive away. My aunt is driving. The roads are Italian. The sunrise is beautiful and we are all content. We are all clutching copies of our contracts to give to the Celebrities. Each one reads "I pelted you with 40cc snowball" repeated hundreds of times just like "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" in The Shining, except that our papers use a combination of really tacky fonts with headers in bright blue.

caroline mockford's son and i go to sort out our contracts. we have to pare them down to their bare essentials and key parts. i'm scared and i don't want to. he convinces me so in the end we go and i strip mine to what is important. there's a basement and a stuffed animal toy and i feel like a child and safe for a moment. then i get back and someone tells me caroline mockford's son has committed suicide. "some people just aren't ready"

yesterday

living in paris but the buildings are bath-coloured. very tall. on a boat going up and down. climbing in and out of buildings.

today

on the boat. want to sleep. tim and julie's wedding. can't finally get to bed and everyone's in their bunks already and apparently i've been sleeping for 6 hours. my mum ends up sleeping in the dog's basket. i nav us delicately back through the concrete. getting off the boat scott is in bed with his little new girlfriend. i've been sleeping?

they are trying to scare us with phonecalls. i am not afraid. walk around hills with japanese girl talking about magic, getting chased by scottish black ducks, over grassy swamp lands streaming with fresh water.

willow's the main character. i'm not scared. we're being kept prisoners on island by tv magician. but it's not reality tv. have to do magic in order to escape. she doesn't want to be evil. i climb to top of mast, not fixed to anything, and have to stop bell from ringing and climb down while the boat moves but the mast's not fixed to anything. it's scary but easy when i start going down. it's a piece of cake. willow is now me and we try to escape the barbed wire by pulling it down with a slinky hooked-on. suddenly realise we're not on an island we're on a hilly cross-channel ferry with traffic lights.