i was standing in a bathtub, back pressed against cold tiles, watching my mother give birth to me. there were lots of other people in the room. she was afraid. she knew i would tear her body apart and she was afraid. then, suddenly, she pushed, and i was born, covered in blood, amidst blood, smiling. she got out of the bath, gave me to myself, and left, saying something like "it's your job to look after this now".

also i ended up going to a writer's conference on jersey with my friend jess, and in the room next to ours we could hear jane calling out the viewing times for jonathan creek to kieron. *shrugs*