it was the end of the world again only this time with alien-like dinosaurs, all grey and about 4 foot tall, with teeth like velociraptors, and a couple of them were giant T-rex sized. we were in the safe place - the place in the film where you know "they could not possibly kill us here" and i know they're coming so we drive out as the t-rex one eats the movie theater. as we leave we pass my parents' house and i suddenly realise that we have to stop and go look for them, even though i know that they are dead, but i have to know and i have to see them dead so we go back but get distracted by a woman who i think has dogs.

some of it was in turkey.

crossing the carpark on my own to get to the factory and dad tells me not to cross the parking lot on my own. i ask him why and he says "because it's forbidden."

i had to go to london to post something, so i flew into heathrow, went to the post office and then tried to find my way back to the boarding gate. then i realised that actually bil's house in somerville was on the opposite side of the thames to the houses of parliament, and it was snowing, so i didn't need to fly anywhere. i thought i'd go and see my parents, but they weren't in woodbury any more so i hitched a ride with some random guy into topsham, and read my book on the way. i realised i was being rude and so looked up and pointed out some monkeys that were "oohing" and "aahing" on the roadside. one of them jumped at his window and he got a little scared.

cycling through london bump into robin who shows me leaflet of aberdeen fishing thing. he said he didn't care very much for perthshire. the queen is talking at a parade but i don't want to get stuck in the crowds so i try to cycle through a sidestreet instead.

then we're all being lifted off for some conference. jess is wearing a grey suit with a blue stripey shirt, trying to persuade me to only take t-shirts. i've lost my bag though, so i don't have anything. even though we're only going to oxford, the company wants to fly us. we all agree this is ridiculous.

and also there's one guy who's laying bear traps to try and get me. so i walk around and annoy him by missing them. i have to go to get something white so that i can play chess (the white piece is missing) and also get into the restaurant and the big round table you're allowed to smoke at.

then someone takes us for a walk along the canal and all the kids dive in and go swimming but we see all these upturned hands everywhere which mean we shouldn't go in. there are dead things in the water i think but the water is dark and clean and it feels like bradford upon avon. my feet are muddy and i go and change the kitchen roll holder for jess who's having some troubles in the kitchen.

i'm sailing and we set out to win the world. we capsize halfway through the race. i forget the rest.

sailing with dad in a loch at the very top of scotland. it's a barren wasteland and there are dead babies everywhere. the boats are getting bigger. there are abandoned castles on the hills surrounding the lake.

we kidnap some children, only it starts off by watching the fairy queen kidnap juliette binoche who is getting younger and is very happy about it. she's going to start it on two idiots.

we all prance around the house in a musical comedy while the kidnapped kids stay inside and outside in grandma's garden a father and son are moaning that they don't get to play enough together, not enough to make his feet hurt: "and my feet don't hurt" he sings, "no his feet don't hurt" his son sings. so we make them play together a lot more until: "Man, do my feet hurt" sings the father, "Yeah, do his feet hurt" sings the son.

this musical gets really tedious and the finale is a song that everyone sings: "we're not quite the same as before / but we're still not happy"

after everyone leaves i stack up the dishwasher with a psycho killer woman. she has lots of glasses but hasn't noticed a space so i say "there's room for one glass there". she looks at me like she's going to fucking kill me then and there. "fine" i think, and after she's done and has left, i reopen the dishwasher to remove my hairbrush that she put in there too.

on the moon. we're all wearing black leather - the girls have black leather length netball skirts with zippers on the side. i watch my boss go round to people with a visa card - once he inserts the card, that person loses their personality and becomes a drone. i'm scared about this, but as i run down the tunnels to try and tell the superhero, mars crashes into us.

or rather, it spontaneously disintegrates about 4 foot above everyone's heads and we all get covered in mars dust. but, you only get covered if you look at it. and i was too scared to look it straight in the face, so my boss tries to get me to watch it on action replay in an IMAX but i sneak away before it comes too close as i don't want to get covered in mars dust. i'm thinking something day of the triffids-esque.

i run away further to try and organise an underground but no one's interested. they all have credit cards.