end of the world, dog sick, dad phones in tears, dancing to stop the house from falling down. no one can tell me why.

we were packaging up little bombs of good luck and powdery things people need everyday and firing them at people with big slingshots. the little bombs were the size of tennis balls and they burst on people's shoulders like floury fireworks. we are doing good.

sunday

jess's leaving do - round bed - ginge has the stallholder handbook. walking dogs outside gran's house. can't get the labrador off my back.

tues

mum yelling at me about my hair. she storms off. i never speak to her again. we drive off and leave her behind. oh well better go back and the car breaks down on a big hill. i feel very upset.

the others were all about boats

kieron and alec look ridiculously sheepish after the new barmaid at the Garricks catches them comparing pubic back-hair. this is the funniest thing that i have EVER SEEN. we watch an episode of thunderbirds where all the oceans are drained by a foreign power. "you have to hand it to those boys, they never do anything by halves" i go on to my band rehearsal with blondie and i kiss debbie harry twice. she's not into it and goes home early. i think we'd also tried to hire a boat at some point but i don't remember why we didn't.

i'm on the boat already and someone is holding up a rat cage with a koala asleep in the bottom of it. no one seems able to see it without my help and the koala doesn't seem too happy about this. we all share a bottle of wine but we can't drink from the neck so i construct a big straw made out of two macdonalds small ones - the way we used to - fold it in and push it down. it worked better in my dream than when i really did it.

all in a big hotel trying to go to the toilet - so many movie stars - audrey hepburn, daryl hannah, john goodman are the only ones i remember - there are no real rooms the hotel is all made up of toilets - john goodman turns the light on in one of the bathrooms for me only it's the bathroom from there's something about mary and i know people will be able to look down from across the way so i go to find another toilet which has curtains. someone tries to take a family photo but it doesn't work as all the movie stars are sultry and sarcastic teenagers

my master stole bicycles from the centre but i know he got the symbols wrong. but i haven't learnt them yet so i don't know how i know that i need to correct him. i force myself to wake up because i don't know the answer. this confusion comes into my next dream and remains unresolved.

then

we go to the beach. there's a door in the cliff wall that leads onto a beach in Yugoslavia. we go through. i get pushed into the elevator which is an arcade game. me and this transformer robot are pushed a mile straight up into the sky on the platform and nothing holds us in place. we must balance. i look at the sky, and catch glimpses of land out of the corners. i keep moving my head to avoid thinking about how high up i am and eventually it's a miracle when we return to ground level without dying. i fall out of the lift and simon little finds me in a heap on the floor not-breathing. he asks me what's wrong and i can't talk.

because i've been sick i've been sleeping with a towel over my face which is the only explanation i can think of as to why almost everything i dreamt last night was in a ninja-type framework and happened really quickly. so this all happened, but too quickly, and with shutters coming down between each part, where i woke up, coughed, replaced towel, passed out again...:

everyone yelling at a girl in my class

try to walk over big hills but cows get in way. i jump into cowshed to shift them. doesn't work. jump out. we decide to take car. an old lady has already hitched a ride. she looks evil and walks much more slowly than anybody else.

buying scripts for movies. i make one of my very own which i stroke.

someone tries to sell me a sit-com with rick astley theme song.

i get arrested after drinking with kieron in the star and he dares me to beat up strangers. i jump about and shout and punch one woman in the head not very convincingly i think, and instantly the police arrive and arrest me.
then
i am looking through the prison door at myself, like the final scene of psycho, and i can hear the officers saying about me "poor thing, she wouldn't hurt a fly as long as you hold her hand" and something about only responding to human contact. and me in the cell is smiling towards the window and the camera. i can remember this more vividly wondering "why the fuck am i smiling?"

friday

kieron was handing round his blog - it was split into brown rice paper bits on a stick. sort of crispy. everyone was nibbling at it. he sent my poems off to a schoolteacher as if they were from a schoolgirl. she was very impressed. i wasn't happy though. we ran to a very cold place where ice was falling from the trees and a boy was guarding an enclosure of dead christmas trees.

saturday

have to go underground to get what we want - in to the earth - we can fly under the earth and we have ropes and lasso things. we get caught though, and get taken to head office. queue waiting to see the headmaster - it is a game. he is Hitler, and it's a staring match. if you manage to make him look away first then it is like WW2 never happened. i see the woman who was infront of me days ago get dragged out of his office screaming. all i know is that everyone is counting on me to suceed, then i wake up.

today

so many long dreams. i know i wrote a poem in my dream and it was pretty good. but i have no idea what it was. all i can remember, vividly, was standing somewhere in the lake district, watching all the forests ignite in a circle around me and the fire spread.

we're setting fire to my car so i can claim the insurance. i grab all the stuff out of it - tapes, poetry books, my dictionary, some antifreeze. i cover it in something flammable. someone else wheels it down the lane and lights it. "don't worry," he tells me, "everyone does it."

sunday:

puffin sitting on egg the right way round - balance. alec's rats keep escaping. prepare for catherine's party with a big house. someone (whose name i can't read) lights his cigarette.

today:

pirate ship. haunted. people come and eat in the cellar restaurant. twins were born here who got sucked into the wall. people get lost in here. a map to the cellars is evil. the doors all bang in, shutting you in, and you won't get out - can't scream, but i manage to nudge the door open enough to see someone. we get out. ghosts pull the masts down. we slowly drift into the marina and are saved. he says he always feels safe when i am on board. i know he's being nice so i buy him a train ticket then have to ask for it back when some other fucker steals mine and gives me a fake one.

Friday Morning:

it's the end of the world and everyone's trying to watch the same cable show. there's a virus spreading over the whole world, turning it into a wasteland. ade cooper comes back home and i'm trying to get to a safehouse. everyone's wearing black. the house is all dark. there are a million words and it's the end of the world.

This Morning:

the woman in our old house told me my dog had cancer.

although, on reflection, i'm not sure that bastardly dream-manifestations of my over-exaggerated memories actually check email

There's no need to write this up from my notes.

I saw him - for the first time in AGES - and he was doing really well, working with words, and making things. And I managed to figure out his email password and checked his email, and told him, and he said he didn't mind - all that account has in it are emails from me anyway. Then I told him my password, and now I'm terrified that he will use it to send bad things to people in my name.

What else? The house we met in was huge. It was like a supermarket. I couldn't find anything I wanted. Um. Cat Deeley had gone feral and she jumped out of the window in to the woods. Whenever I tried to warn people they wouldn't listen to me but kept eating nachos.

I have this vague feeling that he was a bastard. But I also think he smiled a few times, and those eyes forgive everything. Just wish I hadn't told him my password...

baby james was climbing a 15 ft white wall with his palms, lightly. he sat on top of it for a while. he looked like a baby-gap humpty-dumpty but i wasn't scared.